All of these resonate with me, but especially "be as good as mom." It is a positive for your relationship with your kids, great for your marriage, and even better for your relationship with your mother-in-law. There is zero downside to this, with the exception that your wife will eye-roll so hard when strangers on a flight praise you for being such a good dad because you changed a single diaper.
“With the caveat that all advice for dads is pointless”- the advice you gave is spot on though. It’s difficult to watch peers dump everything on mom so they can keep living life like it’s pre-baby. Spending time with your children is better than your hobby or poker night.
What David P says. The one thing I'd add is how NATURAL it felt to be parent of newborns (not easy or fun or meaningful, tho those, too). I had a lot of anxiety, but as a species we've been doing it for a really long time.
this is worth sharing as you won't read it any book (although it needs to be in books!) - my first child, (my son) had colic and screamed like a banshee for 3 months. the only advice that worked...buy a hairdryer, a loud one. from Walmart or Target. it needs to be cheap because cheap ones are loud. set it on the floor and turn it on. If you can buy one that has a cool setting even better. you don't need the heat. you are not drying anything. It's purely for noise. The womb is LOUD. Its decibel level measures as loud as a cheap hairdryer. so when screaming newborns hear a hairdryer, they are comforted by sounds of a familiar place and stop screaming. IT'S MAGIC. It also works on non-colic newborns who occasionally get a little pissy.
My wife and I had our first child in April 2020 as well, and honestly the timing was spectacular. The whole world shutting down at the same time that we couldn't leave the house.
The one thing I'd recommend to new fathers is to start sleep training from day one at home. My daughter began sleeping through the night at week four. I'm still sheepishly admitting, when asked, that I actually get quite a bit of sleep.
As a first time dad to be in a little more than a month, I’ve found these posts to be incredibly insightful and relieving about how to prepare for what is to come. As ACL has grown I feel like I’m growing right along with it in fatherhood, and also in golf since recently moving to FL. Keep them coming. Please.
1. Keep everything simple: humans have been keeping babies alive for thousands of years without all the tech and gizmos and methods and...So get the basics right, and it works out. Also, it means so much less stuff to get rid of after.
2. Never expect anything, but be opportunistic: if you think you're going to be able to catch a movie while the kids are sleeping on the plane, you're setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. But if there's a 20 minute window where they do sleep...have a book ready, get a quick nap, go for a walk, do something.
Michael- this is so great! As a father of 4 I have learned a lot, obviously I’m no where near perfect, but I have striven to be a support to my wife and thankfully was given similar advice to much of what you have laid out here. Like you said I always wanted be able to handle the baby (or all 4 older children) on my own for an entire weekend, so that when possible I could help Laura truly take a break when needed.
Well done, aside from being humorous and real, I especially applaud your wise encouragement to operate with an other-centered and servant-minded approach to supporting your wife. That is all so true, but I’m pretty sure most men have not seen that modeled or been taught that, and therefore the stereotype is true that men/fathers can tend to be lazy and selfish. I am so fortunate to have had a father who modeled sacrifice and love for his bride.
I agree with you - on the diapers, it’s a small thing but that strategy evolves into owning other things, such as my goal to teach our kids how to properly pick up after themselves- never ending, but I will never quit. I am determined for them to not be entitled little shits. I sincerely believe it’s these little things which can make us heroes in our wife’s eyes, or at least reduce the times for her to be frustrated with us ;)
All of these resonate with me, but especially "be as good as mom." It is a positive for your relationship with your kids, great for your marriage, and even better for your relationship with your mother-in-law. There is zero downside to this, with the exception that your wife will eye-roll so hard when strangers on a flight praise you for being such a good dad because you changed a single diaper.
“With the caveat that all advice for dads is pointless”- the advice you gave is spot on though. It’s difficult to watch peers dump everything on mom so they can keep living life like it’s pre-baby. Spending time with your children is better than your hobby or poker night.
What David P says. The one thing I'd add is how NATURAL it felt to be parent of newborns (not easy or fun or meaningful, tho those, too). I had a lot of anxiety, but as a species we've been doing it for a really long time.
this is worth sharing as you won't read it any book (although it needs to be in books!) - my first child, (my son) had colic and screamed like a banshee for 3 months. the only advice that worked...buy a hairdryer, a loud one. from Walmart or Target. it needs to be cheap because cheap ones are loud. set it on the floor and turn it on. If you can buy one that has a cool setting even better. you don't need the heat. you are not drying anything. It's purely for noise. The womb is LOUD. Its decibel level measures as loud as a cheap hairdryer. so when screaming newborns hear a hairdryer, they are comforted by sounds of a familiar place and stop screaming. IT'S MAGIC. It also works on non-colic newborns who occasionally get a little pissy.
My wife and I had our first child in April 2020 as well, and honestly the timing was spectacular. The whole world shutting down at the same time that we couldn't leave the house.
The one thing I'd recommend to new fathers is to start sleep training from day one at home. My daughter began sleeping through the night at week four. I'm still sheepishly admitting, when asked, that I actually get quite a bit of sleep.
As a first time dad to be in a little more than a month, I’ve found these posts to be incredibly insightful and relieving about how to prepare for what is to come. As ACL has grown I feel like I’m growing right along with it in fatherhood, and also in golf since recently moving to FL. Keep them coming. Please.
As a father with 3 young adults that are about to launch into college and out of college I can confirm you are wise
Great advice Michael ! A couple extra points :
1. Keep everything simple: humans have been keeping babies alive for thousands of years without all the tech and gizmos and methods and...So get the basics right, and it works out. Also, it means so much less stuff to get rid of after.
2. Never expect anything, but be opportunistic: if you think you're going to be able to catch a movie while the kids are sleeping on the plane, you're setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. But if there's a 20 minute window where they do sleep...have a book ready, get a quick nap, go for a walk, do something.
As a father of three, including a teen, outstanding advice! 👊🏼
Michael- this is so great! As a father of 4 I have learned a lot, obviously I’m no where near perfect, but I have striven to be a support to my wife and thankfully was given similar advice to much of what you have laid out here. Like you said I always wanted be able to handle the baby (or all 4 older children) on my own for an entire weekend, so that when possible I could help Laura truly take a break when needed.
Well done, aside from being humorous and real, I especially applaud your wise encouragement to operate with an other-centered and servant-minded approach to supporting your wife. That is all so true, but I’m pretty sure most men have not seen that modeled or been taught that, and therefore the stereotype is true that men/fathers can tend to be lazy and selfish. I am so fortunate to have had a father who modeled sacrifice and love for his bride.
I agree with you - on the diapers, it’s a small thing but that strategy evolves into owning other things, such as my goal to teach our kids how to properly pick up after themselves- never ending, but I will never quit. I am determined for them to not be entitled little shits. I sincerely believe it’s these little things which can make us heroes in our wife’s eyes, or at least reduce the times for her to be frustrated with us ;)